The Magic Rider
by Doctor Interrobang
Summary: Alex gets a letter of acceptance to Hogwarts, and gets sucked in to a world of insanity. Could it be that MI6 is behind the scenes? Will he get along with his fellow classmates? Find out now in The Magic Rider!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Alex has been sent on an assignment to Hogwarts to learn how magic works. But when he's there, he discovers that he's a wizard... Will Alex get along with his fellow classmates? Find out!**

_Additional Details: Set in the same year as the trio during The Prisoner Of Azkaban. Alex will be kept as not OOC as possible, as will the rest of the characters. Alex is thirteen. Hope it's good! _

**Hi guys! I know you all hate abnormally long author notes, but it's just going to be for the first chapter! Well, first. I'd just like to let you know that this is a parody, the Harry Potter series with Alex Rider thrown in. Hope that's good with you. Second. I'm not only going to be writing Alex Rider and Harry Potter stories. I write some Pokémon too, but not on a regular basis. Third. No flames. And fourth. Tell me if you like the story in the reviews. Fifth. I'll start the story in a moment. Seventh. [**_**INSERT RANDOM BUT AWESOME JOKE HERE**_**] **

**Chapter One: Owl Post**

"Alex! You have mail!" Alex's housekeeper, Jack Starbright, called out from the kitchen. It was a Monday morning, but it was also a public holiday. Alex still wasn't out of bed.

"Urgh..." Alex groaned. He fell out of bed onto the floor, then got up tiredly. He scanned his room for a moment until he found a t-shirt, jacket and jeans. He dragged them on, then stumbled down the staircase to find the mail. It was laying on the kitchen table in a pile of other envelopes containing bills, waiting for him. He walked over, after tripping on his left foot and falling.

"You okay, Alex?" asked Jack, rushing over to help him up. "Here, I haven't opened it yet." She pulled it out of the pile and handed it to him.

"Thanks, Jack." Alex said groggily. He took it. It had a strange red seal in the shape of a 'H'.

"You know, that was the strangest delivery I ever had." said Jack. "An owl came pecking on the window with _that _tied to its leg. And in broad daylight, too!"

Alex glanced out the window. It wasn't exactly daylight, but it wasn't night time either.

"In broad daylight?"

"Yes. Weird, don't you think?" She went over to the frying pan, which was sizzling as if being cooked on hot lava. She pulled a wooden spoon out of a drawer and pulled out the pancake that was resting inside.

"Yeah." He prised off the seal with his fingernails, trying not to pull off any of the envelope. There were a few pieces of ancient-looking paper inside. He pulled out the first one and started to read.

_HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. Of Wizards)_

_Dear Mr. Rider, _

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on 1__st__ September. We await your owl by no later than 1__st__ July._

_Yours sincerely,_

_ Minerva McGonagall Deputy Headmistress_

Alex didn't believe what he was reading. He pulled out the second piece of parchment.

_Uniform_

_Third year students will require:_

_1. Three sets of plain work robes(black) 2. One plain pointed hat(black) for day wear 3. Two pairs of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar) 4. One winter cloak(black with silver fastenings) Please note all pupil's clothes must carry name tags_

_Set Books All students should have a copy of each of the following: _

_The Standard Book Of Spells (Grade Three) by Miranda Goshawk A History Of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot Magical Theory by Albert Waffling A Beginner's Guide To Transfiguration by Emeric Switch One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore Magical Drafts And Potions by Arsenius Jigger Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander The Dark Forces: A Guide To Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble _

_Other Equipment_

_1 wand 1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2) 1 set glass or crystal phials 1 telescope 1 set brass scales_

_Students may also bring an OWL, a CAT, a RAT or a TOAD_

Alex's head spun. If Hogwarts was real and the note was authentic, then how would he get there? Where would he get his things? As if to answer his question, a small train ticket fluttered out of the envelope. He picked it up off the floor. Its platform number was 'Platform Nine and Three Quarters'. There WAS no Platform Nine and Three Quarters.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Alex?"

"Look at-" At that moment, the doorbell rang.

**Haha! Does anyone like it? Also, I'd like to recommend Sugilite Purple's story, Rider at Hogwarts. It's awesome! Please R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, guys! I hope that some people are reading this, because then it would be a total waste of time. Well, anyways. I like the idea of this too well to give it up, so don't think I've abandoned it if I go a long period of time before updating! It's just because I'm trying to make the chapters longer and better. Thanks, guys! And I won't be stealing people's ideas, because I don't believe in that kind of stuff, as I'm Christian... Well, on with the story.**

Chapter Two – A Trip To The Garbage Truck

"Be there in a minute!" called Jack from the kitchen. She bustled out five seconds later, then walked to the front door. It rang again before she opened it.

"Yes?" Alex heard her say. He pondered the envelope. Now that he thought about it, it was probably just a prankster's idea of a joke. Deciding it was, he dropped the envelope, along with its contents, into the bin.

"Oh, yes, of course, come in..." said Jack to whoever was at the door. Alex froze. There was someone at the door, and Jack hadn't bothered to ask who it was. For all he knew, it could be an armed assassin trying to kill him. Which might be unlikely, but entirely possible.

He darted to the kitchen and pulled a small but sharp knife out of a drawer next to the oven and stowed it in his pocket. He might need it. Then he strolled casually out of the kitchen as if nothing was wrong.

"Alex, there's someone here to see you!" he put his hands in his pockets, grasping the knife tightly. He went to the front door. But instead of seeing what he had expected, (which was a tattooed, burly man on steroids) there was a kind-looking, tall man with a large grey beard who looked like he could be a great-grandad.

He momentarily let go of the knife, then grasped it again. His uncle had taught him that looks could be deceiving.

"Ah, hello, Alex," said the man. "May I come in?" His eyes twinkled merrily behind his half-moon glasses. He briefly wondered how this man could possibly hurt him.

"Oh, of course." Alex said, stepping aside so he could enter. His hand was getting sweaty from gripping the knife so hard. He slightly loosened his grip. The man stepped inside.

"Ah, come and have a seat," said Jack, leading them to the living room. "I'll go get a drink. Gin?"

"Ah, yes please. Gin is one of my favourites, if I may say so myself." said the man. Jack went off to find a glass and the gin.

"Okay then. You wanted to see me?" said Alex curiously. He was wondering if this visit had anything to do with the letter. He automatically squashed the thought, as he had already decided that it was a prank.

"Ah, yes," the man said cheerfully, his twinkling eyes studying Alex. "Let me introduce myself. My name is Professor Albus Dumbledore. You might want to put that knife away; it's making us both somewhat uncomfortable."

Alex slowly removed his hand from his pocket, taking the knife with it. He set it down on the arm of the chair. He was disturbed by this. How did this Dumbledore known he had the knife? He was sure they'd never met before, yet the name seemed distinctly familiar...

"I take it you are disturbed by me knowing about your knife," Dumbledore commented, still cheerful. "Well, down to the point." Jack arrived with a medium-sized glass of gin for Dumbledore and a glass of lemonade for Alex. Then she left to clean the rest of the house.

Alex spoke for the first time. "Okay."

"Fantastic. Now... I do not know how I can break the news to you."

Alex spoke again. "What news?" He leant forward slightly, suddenly tense.

"Alex..." he said quietly. "You are a wizard."

If brains could overload, then Alex's would have shut down. He seemed to be taking this very calmly on the outside, but you could practically hear his brain whirring away.

After a few seconds, he responded. "I believe you."

"Ah... I believe that would be because strange things have happened in your life, correct?" said Dumbledore. Alex nodded. He began to wonder how this man could stay so cheerful.

"Yeah." Alex said. He suddenly felt a deep urge to tell Dumbledore everything strange that had happened. He did. "Once, when my uncle was teaching me to drive, my feet couldn't reach the pedals. I kept wishing they did, and the next time he tried to teach me they had risen a few inches..." He went on and on. Finally, he finished.

"Ah, I believe that would be enough evidence." said Dumbledore. "Maybe you'd like to go fish that letter out of the bin." Alex suddenly got the thought that this Dumbledore had the ability to read minds. And then Alex realised where he knew Dumbledore from. The letter!

He rushed to the bin. It was full of things, as Jack had recently filled it with waste from around the house. He dropped to his knees and dug about. He didn't find it. Then a horrible thought came into his mind. What if Jack had emptied the bin? He'd never find it.

Then he heard a deafening whirring noise from outside. The garbage truck. He raced outside. He didn't know what he was doing as he yelled, 'accio!' at the truck.

_Accio? _thought Alex. _What does that mean?_ Then four grubby pieces of paper shot out of the garbage truck and whacked him in the face. He pulled them off. It was the envelope, along with its contents. Dumbledore watched from the window.

"Interesting..." said Dumbledore. "Very interesting..."

**There you are, guys! I've finished the second chapter! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys! I guess you must have noticed by now that Alex must be somehow special in the wizarding world, as Dumbledore would hardly need to see a regular schoolboy to tell him he was a wizard. Could this possibly be connected to the fact that Alex is going to school as a third-year? Oops, I've said too much... *slithers off and starts writing chapter three***

**Chapter Three – Diagon Alley**

"Hey, Alex!" called Jack. "We're getting your stuff today!"

Alex torpedoed out of his bed. He had slept with his day clothes on so he wouldn't have to waste time changing clothes. He bounded down the stairs three at a time, and then skidded into the kitchen.

"Let's go, then." he panted. Jack had almost fainted when she had discovered Alex was a wizard. It took a bit of persuasion to get it into her head, but then she acted as if she knew all her life he was a wizard. He began testing his magic, doing simple things like levitating a pin. Soon he was able to levitate a brick with ease.

"Okay then," Jack said, "let's go. You'll be needing your shoes, though." She added, glancing down at his bare feet.

**~*O*~**

I think it was here," said Alex, glancing down at the map Dumbledore had provided him , along with a large sack of gold, before departing. Two red dots were standing in front of a brick wall. According to the map, behind that brick wall was Diagon Alley. He then thought that Dumbledore might have made a mistake. But Dumbledore didn't seem the type to make mistakes.

"I don't get it," said Jack, looking at the map. "How do we get in?"

As if to respond to her words, the bricks began breaking away from each other, as if it was being crashed into by a truck, played in slow motion. Fifteen seconds later, a doorway stood before them, with no sign of a truck.

"Wow!" Alex cried. He opened the door and went in, Jack following close behind.

Okay then, we'll have to go to Flourish & Blotts first to get your books," Jack said, but Alex was dragging her towards a shop called Honeydukes. There, to much of Jack's protesting, he bought five sherbet balls that made you levitate a few inches when sucking them, a large bar of caramel chocolate which he gave to Jack, and a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. Then they went to Zonko's Joke Shop, where Alex bought two packs of stink bombs. There, he met a redhead fifth-year at Hogwarts who gave him a small jar of what he called 'Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder' for a Galleon. Then he went to Flourish & Blott's, where he bought all his books. He was very interested in a book named, How To Tame Dragons, but Jack pulled him away from it before he got any ideas. Then he went to a place called Defence Against The Dark, where he bought a Sneakoscope. But then he went to Madam Malkin's, and that's when things went a little wild.

**~*O*~**

The woman named Madam Malkin was poking pins all over him, measuring the size of everything. She finally stopped, went to a shelf and pulled off three sets of robes and a pointed black hat. Just as he was trying them on, three people entered the shop. One bushy-haired brunette girl, a redhead looking very similar to the one he met in Zonko's, and a somewhat messy black-haired boy with wild hair and a just visible scar on his forehead in the shape of a lightning bolt. All went well until the brunette asked who he was.

"You're new here, because we haven't seen you around before. You're definitely not a first-year."

"I don't know why I'm a third-year already, because I had no idea I was a wizard until now."

"Oh, are you muggle-born too?"

"I think so... I'll probably be able to know when I know what muggle-born means."

"Being muggle-born is when you're born with magic to two non magical people."

"Then I don't actually know." Alex admitted. "My parents died a few months after I was born, so I don't know if they were magic." The boy with the black hair glanced over at him, then looked back at whatever he was looking at before. The brunette caught him looking curiously at the boy, and then said,

"Harry's parents died when he was young too." She said it in a finalizing tone, saying without words not to talk about it. At that moment, a boy with platinum blonde hair and a pale face walked in with a woman who was undoubtedly his mother, as they both had the same features.

"If you're wondering what the smell is, Mother, a Mudblood is in here." The boy drawled. All three boys reacted instinctively; The black-haired boy and the redhead whipped out their wands, while Alex replied with a kick in the groin.

"Argh!" He cried out, clearly in pain.. He pulled out his wand, but Alex swiftly kicked it out of his hand. It flew backwards and hit the wall with a _CLINK_.Even though Alex didn't understand what a Mudblood was, he knew it was offensive.

"Come, Draco," said the woman, who was obviously struggling with keeping her temper. "Now that we know what scum shops here, we'd be better off elsewhere." The boy named Draco bent over and picked up his wand. He knew he couldn't use it there, but he vowed to use it soon.

**Hey, guys! Not the most eventful chapter there, but I needed to do something to link Alex with the trio. Vote on my profile page which House you want Alex to be in! I vote Gryffindor, but all of them are possibilities. Please R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi! I can't wait to do the Sorting Ceremony, but I'm going to delay it as long as possible so more votes can get in! I hope I have more than just four people reading this, because then it would just be a waste of time. Okay, a good practice for schoolwork and literacy and stuff like that. Well, on with Chapter Four.**

**Chapter Four –Ollivander's & Train Rider**

"Come on, Jack. Now we need to get a wand." said Alex. A wand. He grinned. The thing he had been looking forward to most. He looked around. There were many shops, but none seemed to be Ollivander's, which was mentioned on the slip of paper Alex was holding in his hand.

The two had accidentally walked into a pub, where they were almost trampled to death by drunks. Then Jack had wandered into Knockturn Alley, where she had freaked out and rushed into the arms of the only friendly- looking person there.

Finally they came to a small sign that read 'Ollivander's'. It was stuck to a small door which Jack had to squeeze through as though it was meant for midgets. A withering old man seemingly popped out of nowhere and began fussing over Alex. He handed him a thin stick.

"Here, try this wand. A mix of unicorn tail-hair and dragon heartstring, ten inches, elm. Stiff."

Alex waved it about, and three boxes exploded as if they were filled with explosives. The man, whom Alex had guessed was Ollivander, immediately snatched it away from him.

"No, no, definitely not!" He said. He didn't seem to mind the fact that three boxes of his wands had just exploded. He grabbed a different wand and shoved it into his hand. "Basilisk heartstring, an unusual core. Twelve inches. Somewhat flexible. Rowan."

Alex waved that wand. The windows shattered. Ollivander still didn't react, unless you counted the wand practically vanishing from his hand. Then Ollivander reached up to a small box on the top of a high shelf. He hesitated. But then, deciding it would be better, he picked up the box and slowly slid off the lid.

He carefully lifted out yet another wand. He slowly walked to Alex and then placed it in his hand. Alex gave a particularly vigorous flick, but no destruction came to the shop. Instead, a gold glow was emitted from the tip. Jack watched in fascination.

"Yes, yes!" cried Ollivander. "This is the one! Phoenix feather, by the way. Also elm."

"Thanks, Mr. Ollivander." said Alex. They were just walking out of the shop when Ollivander called out, "That'll be ten Galleons!"

**~*O*~**

Alex walked into the last compartment on the train. It was overwhelming, discovering you're a wizard. Then the fact you were being shipped off to a wizard boarding school was even worse. He needed time to think. But, as he went in, there was already someone in there. It was the blonde whose mother had called him 'Draco'.

He had learnt from the brunette who introduced herself as Hermione that he came from a line of self-centered pure-blood wizards.

But Alex actually had no idea Malfoy was there. He was crouching in the luggage compartment, a quite undignified position for a pure-blood wizard. But he knew it would be worth it if everything went as planned. He was using a Disillusionment Charm, which Zabini cast on him.

The first mistake was when Alex started to get changed into his robes. Malfoy let out a small groan. He hadn't realised he had to see this. But when they got through the barrier, he would be able to use his wand.

Alex looked up. Malfoy tried to make himself look as small as possible, if he could see him. After five seconds, though, he shrugged and got back to changing.

_FWOOSH._

They were through the barrier, the barrier that allowed underage wizards use magic at Hogwarts. At that moment, Alex yelled, "Furnunculus!"

Malfoy screamed; he had sprouted large warts all over his face. He immediately lunged at Alex. Alex stepped to the side, resulting in Malfoy going too fast to stop. He slammed into the compartment door with a loud thud.

Alex checked. He was knocked out. He dragged him to the Slytherin compartment, being careful not to touch his warts.

"Merry Christmas," he panted, pushing Malfoy's unconscious body. "Have a nice day." They looked at him strangely. For a second he thought they were all going to pounce on him. They did.

**~*O*~**

Alex limped into his compartment at the end of the train sporting a black eye, a bleeding lip, and many, many bruises. The Slytherins hadn't even bothered with wands, but with brute force.

It was going to take a while to heal, that was for sure.

**Hi, guys! I just want to say that Alex learnt the Furnunculus curse when he was ten, because he was already controlling magic well at that age. Sorry about the length of the chapters, they're short but if you lump them into a story then it's a whole lot better. Also, Alex's wand is phoenix feather, ring a bell? Hint hint...**


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